Two Pink Lines

Two pink lines.

They change lives and drum up a mix of emotions: fear, excitement, joy, anxiety. No matter if the lines are expected and welcomed or completely unplanned and maybe even unwanted, the mix of emotions come in the anticipation and in those first few moments after the lines appear.

For some parents, it’s not two pink lines, but a phone call that brings this same storm of emotions. Only difference is, we don’t get nine months to prepare, hope, dream, and plan. We get nine minutes or what feels like nine seconds to say yes or no, but no matter what the answer, our life has been changed. And it’s not just one phone call that is life changing.

First, there’s the phone call from the agency or CYFD thanking you for your inquiry into fostering and/or adopting. I know this doesn’t seem like it would be life changing, but this phone call is validation that this thing, this REALLY big thing you and your family have talking about, praying about, for quite some time is now “public”. Someone else knows and they’re just excited about it as you are.

Then there’s phone call saying you’ve been approved to be LICENSED as a foster/adoptive family. Yep, there’s a whole ginormous process that your family has to go through to get a LICENSE, they really do give you a piece of paper and a card to carry in your wallet, saying you are fit to foster/adopt children. This phone call is proof that even though your life and your family are far from perfect, the state feels the good outweighs the bad and chances are you will be good parents. No matter what they say, you can’t help but feel that you are being judged. Your whole life aired out for some stranger to review and determine if you’re still a stable human being capable of raising and influencing tiny humans. This call. It’s a big deal!!

If you’re with a private agency waiting to adopt, you’ll probably get several calls letting you know there’s a mom who is reviewing your profile book. And then at some point, there’s a follow up call to let you know if the mom chose your family to raise her child. The first call I think can be likened to that moment when you’re trying to conceive a child and the day comes and you’re “late.” The hope and excitement of the possibility is overwhelming, and even though you know there might not be a baby, you can’t help but let yourself think of a future with a baby. Then there’s the waiting and the not knowing. Then instead of taking a pregnancy test, we get a phone call. Just as you go through the anxiety of waiting for the test to read and show your results, we get it too as soon as the phone rings and until they deliver the news. Two pink lines: overjoyed. One pink line: crushed and heartbroken. It’s the same for us with the phone call. Mom picked our family: overjoyed! Mom didn’t pick our family: crushed and heartbroken. Both are life changing. Though seemingly similar, there’s a difference: for the adoptive family they are now fully aware of baby that was conceived. Some will get to raise that child and will watch God’s plan for that child unfold before their eyes. But what about all those where we weren’t picked?? You see those are the most life changing because we will never know what becomes of their life. Some of these children may never even be born and given the chance at life because their mom will make the choice to have an abortion. Some children will be parented by their mom. Others will be adopted by another family. Each one is a hope and a dream to that adoptive family that got a call, no matter the outcome. That child, touched the very soul of that adoptive family; that is life changing.

Being a foster parent is very similar, only difference is we make the choice to say yes or no. The call comes, sometimes in the early morning hours when your dead asleep, sometimes in the late afternoon when you’ve had a crazy busy day and you are exhausted. The call has minimal information about this child, and a lot of times the information turns out to be completely inaccurate. They’re just doing the best they can in the limited amount of time they’ve had to investigate the situation. There’s always a question: Can you take this child?? With limited information and in a time crunch, we have to make a decision. No matter what, this call has changed our life, because like I’ve already said, it’s a child in need and that touches the soul. So you make the decision; no we can’t take this child right now. Even though you know without a doubt it was the right answer, we just can’t stop thinking about this kid: they changed our lives even though we never met them. But other times, you say yes! There’s SO many emotions: fear, anxiety, excitement, hope, anger, joy, etc. For many who hope to adopt, there’s hope that maybe this will be the one, but there’s also fear that your heart just might be broken in the end because they will go back home. Then you see that little face, and none of it matters; they need you and truth be told, you need them too.

It’s just a phone call.

Each phone call is a child. Each child has a need. That child in need, changes our lives. It doesn’t matter that I’ve never met many of the children I was called about, I can tell you about them because they truly touched my soul and even if for just a few minutes, they were my child.

The greatest impact these children have had on my life, has been the grip they hold on my heart even over time. I believe the Lord brings these children to mind every now and again so that I will pray for them. I do my best to be obedient and pray any time he brings a child from one these many calls to my mind. This is why it’s not just a phone call. Because once you know, you can’t let go. I count it an honor and a privilege to receive every phone call I do, because I know I can give that child my best gift: prayer.

It’s said all the time, being an adoptive and/or foster parent is a ministry and a calling. This is one of the many reasons why.